paul levy说：“科技破坏了夫妻之间的亲密度。”随着我们之间真正接触的减少，我们的期望值也就越低。我们逐渐忘记了什么是真正的浪漫。孩子们也因沉迷于玩手机而忽视了父母对他们的关心。一项研究发现了社交网络和婚姻满意度之间的关系。你想想看事情会这样发展：当你想跟你的孙子说话的时候，他们一边说着“我听着呢”却一边在一直玩着手机，根本没有听你在说什么。当你在家吃饭时，你想和丈夫说几句话，他却一直在那边查看电子邮件，也许他也会回你几句，但是他的注意力根本不在你身上。你可能会在想到底是谁在这么频繁的给他发邮件，然后陷入怀疑的痛苦，甚至都不想跟他睡前亲吻了。
then it occurs to you that you put an ‘x’ at the end of your text messages to each other more often than you kiss in real life. for many of us, this behaviour is slowly becoming the new normal. but it shouldn’t: because technology is destroying real intimacy in our relationships. i have been studying the digital world as a senior researcher at the university of brighton since 1990, but it was six years ago when i started to notice myself spending too long on my smartphone: hours online at night and constantly responding to it in the day, even when surrounded by friends.
然后你突然想到，你在短信中最后加上“x”（“亲亲”）的次数竟然超过了你在现实中真正亲吻的次数。对很多人来说，这种现象会变得越来越正常，但是我们不应该让科技毁了真正的亲密关系。“作为布莱德大学的一个高级研究员，我从1990就开始研究数码电子世界。但是在六年前我开始发现，我花在智能手机上的时间太长了。即使我身边有很多朋友，但是我一天还是会花很多时间在网上，忙着回复各种信息。”
i realised i was beginning to get addicted — and i wasn’t the only one. so, i began studying the effects of our virtual lives on our physical relationships, and have since spoken to hundreds of couples whose partnerships have been threatened by their addiction to technology. for some, the cause is what i call ‘wretched contentment’: spending evenings watching tv, all the while constantly checking phones without talking. it’s pleasant, but it’s not fulfilling.
as the quality of our physical connections gets diluted over time, we adjust, expecting less. we forget what real romance is. and we forget that sending kisses by email can’t replace actual intimacy. studies the world over have proven the same. researchers at the university of missouri interviewed hundreds of facebook users aged between 18 and 82, who believed their partner’s facebook use increased conflict in their relationship.
“我意识到我开始沉迷于社交网络，而且我知道这不止我一个。于是，我开始研究虚拟世界对夫妻关系的影响，我也同几百对因网络技术导致夫妻关系受到威胁的夫妇进行了交谈。对一些人来说，原因就是我说的所谓的满足感。晚上我们花时间看电视，不断的检查手机看看有没有信息，而忘记与另一半讲话。”。这是令人愉快的，但是不能然我们满足。随着我们之间真正接触的减少，我们的期望值也就越低。我们逐渐忘记了什么是真正的浪漫。我们似乎忘记了通过电子邮件发送出的“亲吻”，并不能取代真正的亲密。世界各地的研究已经对此进行了证明，密苏里州大学的研究人员采访了18到82岁之间脸书使用者，这些人认为社交网络的频繁使用增加了彼此之间的矛盾冲突。
as the use of the site increased, the study found, so did their jealousy, leading to break-ups, cheating and divorce. the evidence is everywhere: the more we resort to digital intimacy, the less fluent our actual intimacy becomes. one couple’s relationship suffered when they were both promoted, and spent every evening answering emails from work, even at 11pm. ‘at first, we were answering emails from the bedroom,’ says anne. ‘which meant our sex life suffered. then, my husband started working from the study next door instead. when he started texting me goodnight, instead of walking to the bedroom, i knew i was no longer a priority.’ this distance breeds mistrust. partners worry who their loved one is talking to — often with good reason.
研究人员发现，随着网络的普遍使用，彼此的妒忌之心也会变得严重，因此导致分手，欺骗甚至离婚。证据无处不在，我们和网络世界越亲密，那我们和另一半的关系就会越疏远。一位叫安妮的被调查者说：“起初我们都是一起在卧室互相回复邮件。这意味着性生活还是正常的。但是很快我的丈夫开始在隔壁的书房里回复邮件，当他发信息而不是进房间来和我说晚安的时候，我就意识到，我在他心里没有那么重要了。”这种距离滋生了彼此间的怀疑。伴侣们开始担心他们的爱人在跟谁说话——而且通常有着充分的理由。
and an oxford university study of 24,000 married european couples found a direct, inverse link between use of social networking sites and marital satisfaction.
the more couples read about others’ exciting lives on social media, the more likely they were to view their own with disappointment and disdain.
牛津大学大学研究了24000对夫妇，发现了社交网络的使用和婚姻满意度的一种直接性的、逆向的联系。夫妻们通过媒体知道了别人一些非常刺激的生活，于是就会对自己的婚姻生活越来越失望和鄙视。
people can fall into ‘text’ arguments in ways they never would face-to-face. misunderstandings are all too easy when you can’t read someone’s body language. and friendships are affected as we replace meet-ups with online communication. the more we get out of practice at being with other human beings, the scarier physical closeness becomes, chipping away at our happiness. we all need deep communication and we’re not getting it. many children now skype relatives more regularly, but visit them less. most grandparents would prefer a call and a visit. technology can be a beautiful way to keep in touch, but it should be an addition, not a replacement, to real relationships.
有时候人们之间会在发短信时产生一些真正交谈时不会产生的误会。当我们看不到对方的肢体语言时，误会很容易产生。在我们用线上交流取代见面交流的同时，我们的友谊也受到了影响。我们与别人之间的接触越少，就会对身体上的亲密越来越害怕，这就对我们的美好生活造成了裂痕。我们都需要深层次的交流，但我们得不到。很多孩子现在更多的是给亲人们打网络电话，而减少了去他们家里的次数。科技固然很好，但是它只能是一种保持我们联系的工具，而不能替代我们真正的关系。
what you can do . . .
你能做的是…
reclaim your home. placing smartphones and tablets away from the bedroom and the places we eat is a big step in the right direction. use a proper alarm clock, not your phone. when you are meeting friends put your phone on ‘airplane mode’ and allow at least 20 minutes of uninterrupted communication. when you text your partner saying ‘i love you’, close your eyes, picture your partner and really feel that love. when you send someone an ‘x’ in a text, make sure you give them a kiss in real life when you get home.
改造一下你的家。把智能手机和平板电脑从卧室和餐厅里收起来，这是朝正确方向迈出的一大步。使用真正的闹钟，而不是你的手机。当你与朋友会面的时候，开启飞行模式，至少与朋友有20分钟不间断的交谈。当你发短信给你的伴侣说“我爱你”的时候，闭上眼睛，想象一下你的爱人并真切的感受到这份爱意。当你给别人发短信说“亲亲”的时候，确保你回到家时真正的亲吻他们。